Remembering why I do this. Sometimes easier said, than done.

Seattle, WA. My first taste of UCI racing this season...I had headed up there with high hopes. Perhaps a top 15, maybe even a top ten. That was after having checked the registered athletes to see that ten of the guys signed up were paid pro riders. Including the Swiss National Champ, Dutch National Champ, US National Champ, and two or three former US national Champs. I was intimidated to say the least.

The Saturday race, called FSA Star Crossed, was a night race in Redmond, WA. It was held at the Marymoor Velodrome and the Elite Men category started at 8 pm. It wasn't raining when we got there, but it certainly was when the race started. It ended up switching from pouring to no rain and back more than once during the one hour event. I had an ok starting position, but was so intimidated by the field that I didn't ride aggressively enough at the start. The most important part of the race being the first ten minutes. I'm pretty sure I have the fitness to hit a top 15 in that field, but was definitely not mentally ready to do that. I ended up getting lapped with 15 minutes to go, which, despite not racing to my fullest potential, is still better than I've done in the past when competing in a field like that. The course itself was quite fun, lots of off camber sections, a couple sets of barriers, no real run up, lots of slippery turns thanks to the rain, and a couple completely dark corners (it was a night race, after all). Definitely a fun event!

It did, however, deal me a serious mental blow. My confidence was shattered along with any motivation. I had come in with the knowledge that my fitness was at a level where I could do well, but been dealt an unexpected blow. So Sunday, when it came time to head out to the Rad Racing GP in Lakewood, the sunshine was little consolation.

I hauled myself down to Lakewood, my gal accompanying me full of moral, emotional, and number pinning support. I had a mechanic straighten my rear derailleur hanger, which had gotten bent when I crashed in a slippery corner the night before, then started warming up. My legs felt terrible, my head was not in race mode, and I didn't feel like facing another day of being crushed by the other racers. But I got myself ready and headed to the starting line.

My start was better than the night before, I was more aggressive and tried to move up immediately, I managed to not loose many spots, and over the next few laps gradually moved up, passing guys one at a time, but still ended up lapped with 15 minutes to go. Another disappointing day.

After getting stomped twice in a row, it's been hard to motivate this week. I didn't ride yesterday, and have been struggling to get motivated today. But the thing that I remembered, simple as it may be, is that I do this because I like it. I like pushing my body, to see what I'm capable of, and I usually have fun doing that. So really, what I have to remember, is to enjoy racing for the sake of racing, instead of for the sake of results. Results come and go, but I can always have fun racing.